Passing through the valley of weeping!
How many of us have experienced ‘living the dream’ then suddenly the rug is pulled from under our feet?
I thought that I was living the dream; I wanted a place to bring Christians where they could experience the presence of the Holy Spirit and come out changed by receiving an impartation through the word and the Spirit. At that time in my life I didn’t have a great desire for coffee and chat in our meetings as my focus was on helping people experience the goodness of God through prayer and the laying on of hands.
The Holy Spirit led me to start a church in the early 90’s. It grew and the presence of God was moving - yes, we had our ups and downs, but we had the presence of the Holy Spirit.
We held conferences and hosted speakers, and our Friday night gatherings hold some of my most treasured memories of people going out changed, healed, excited and on fire for the Lord. Memories of the laughter as some individuals, so full of the Holy Spirit, crawled out of our building which originally was a pub!
The fruit was good, so many great testimonies of being an oasis for those that lived in dry places. My heart was to give our people a great meal and a desert on a Sunday from the Holy Spirit, making a place for Him, a sanctuary for Him. No two meetings were the same and that made it so exciting to me!
Every one of us should have a dream whether it’s to own your own home, a particular career, job, have a family, a business, going to university, starting a church or a ministry, whatever ‘living the dream’ means to you. Dream and pursue it with God.
Many times I walked into the hall knowing that the Holy Spirit was waiting excitedly for the meeting to start, feeling His presence as I sat alone in that room basking in His love and joy. Drinking Him in, having a plan for the night but knowing that He may burst in and change direction at any given moment.
Some people say I’m wild, loud and unpredictable. Initially I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, until the Lord reminded me that several years back as a church we did Strength Finders, which is an online assessment through a series of questions to discover what you do naturally to turn your greatest talents into strengths. A great tool for discovering the strengths of leaders - its focus is on strengths not weaknesses! My main strength was adaptability. I’ve discovered that being adaptable to the Holy Spirit has helped me not to get stuck in an old wine skin mentality. Others on the team had different strengths so we complemented one another. I’m not a ‘detail’ person; I get an idea, and others have the skills to make it work!
“For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 AMP
Notice the word plans, plural! Some dreams last a lifetime, but some dreams become a stepping stone to greater things.
“Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
When our dreams get shattered for whatever reason, like mine did several years ago, I initially felt just like Joseph did when his brothers threw him in a pit!
‘Now when Joseph reached his brothers, they stripped him of his tunic, the [distinctive] multi-coloured tunic which he was wearing; then they took him and threw him into the pit. Now the pit was empty; there was no water in it’.
Genesis 37:23-28 AMP
Sometimes we ignore the signs, the warnings, and put our head in the sand in the hope things will right themselves (and with some things they do right themselves) or we hope the problems just disappear! Then we end up in a pit with no water.
My emotions were raw, I’d lost sight of the Lord, the pain that I felt in my heart and the disbelief of what I was experiencing overwhelmed me at times. I felt such a physical pain in my heart. I went from disbelief, to anger, to resentment, to guilt, shame, deep disappointment, sadness - emotions that I hadn’t experienced for years! I felt like the gerbil on the wheel going round and round and round in a cycle of pain where I could only see darkness.
Holy Spirit is so good, because despite all my raw emotion He was saying ‘look up’. In the pit there is only one place to look, that’s UP! When I looked up the darkness began to fade, and the journey of leaving the pit began.
I then began the journey of what the Bible calls the valley of Baca, which translates as ‘weeping’.
What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,
who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem. Psalm 84:5-7
When I found myself in this position, not only was I in the valley of Baca, but my address had also become 17 Bacca Street! Scripture tells us that we are passing through the valley of Bacca, but I’d pitched my tent!
The Valley of Baca, also called the Valley of Bochin in Judges, was the only passageway into the high hills where Israel’s Cities of Refuge were located. Besides those heading to Jerusalem – there would be some who were searching for safety from those who were pursuing them because of an accidental death or some sin that they had inadvertently committed - they would have to manoeuvre this valley to find refuge and safety in the House of God or the Cities of Refuge.
The Valley of Baca was part of the desert country. The valley was filled with thorns, wild animals, pitfalls, vipers and all sorts of danger. In addition, there were wells of water, but they were often far apart and hard to get to. It was almost impossible to travel this valley without facing extreme hardship and suffering. That is why the Valley of Baca was named because it literally means “Valley of Tears”.
Those who travelled this valley did not find relief until they reached their final destination. The dangers of the Valley of Baca were real and relentless and threatening until they finally went through the gates of the city where safety was finally found.
This was also the place where Hagar and Ishmael went after Abraham sent them away. Hagar was Sarah’s servant who became Abraham’s concubine who gave birth to Abraham’s first-born son, Ishmael. When out of water, she left her son near a tree and walked a few feet away because she did not want to see him die. God heard her weeping in the valley and showed her where she could find the water she needed.
Abraham went through the valley of weeping as God led him to the mountaintop to sacrifice Isaac upon the altar as a symbol of his faith and obedience to God – but God had a well prepared for Abraham and provided a ram for the sacrifice.
Moses spent 40 years in the valley of weeping, he messed up and ran into the wilderness; it took forty years to get Egypt out of him. He wasn’t the bold confident Moses that lived in the palace. It took a burning bush for God to get Moses’ attention.
“Then the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the midst of a bush; and he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, yet the bush was not being consumed. So, Moses said, “I must turn aside and see this marvellous sight, why the bush is not burning up!” When the Lord saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.”
Exodus 3:2-4 NASB
God waited till Moses turned and went to investigate the burning bush, before He called out to him!
I know that I missed many opportunities with God during that season in my life simply because I allowed the enemy to isolate me. Every time the Holy Spirit joined me on the couch and I felt His presence, I would sob. But instead of sobbing in His arms I was pushing Him away, because I was trapped in guilt and shame! The Holy Spirit was doing His best to get my attention right in the middle of Baca Street!
Job spent time in the valley of weeping as Satan was allowed to strip away everything that God had blessed him with, and as Job forgave his ‘friends’ God restored to him more than what he had lost.
David spent many a day and night in the Valley of Baca when he failed God numerous times; he had his friend killed to cover the pregnancy that resulted from sleeping with Bathsheba. He was betrayed by his son Absolom, chased by Saul and had to hide in the cave at Adullam. He called upon God once again to forgive and restore him. God still called David a man after God’s own heart, even through all of David’s failures.
God never sees us as failures; we may stumble and fall but He’s always there to pick us up, dust us down and send us out again better than before!
I became my own worst enemy. Rather than turning aside like Moses, I decided to do a Peter, after denying Jesus, Peter felt so bad that he went back to what he was familiar with - fishing!
Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.”
“We’ll come, too,” they all said. So, they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night. John 21:3 NLT
I went back to taking photographs: me and my camera at my favourite park and like Peter, I took a load of photographs, but none satisfied!
The Holy Spirit was waiting patiently for me as He continued to poke and prod me!
There came a day when like the prodigal son, I came to my senses and I re-read
‘What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,
who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem’. Psalm 84:5
A choice must be eventually made. Are you going to embrace the journey to healing or will you remain in Baca Street?
‘When they walk through the Valley of Weeping it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem’. Psalm 85:5-7 NLT
What does that journey look like?
For me it was opening my heart to the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Repentance is a part of healing, but we also have to allow Him into the areas of pain, disappointment and fear. In my opinion this is best achieved by allowing trusted others to lead us in this process. It’s not easy to be transparent and vulnerable with others, even those that we love and trust. Allowing this process brings tremendous freedom and liberty and breaks the stronghold of the enemy.
As the psalmist spoke, ‘it will become a place of refreshing springs.’
I came through my valley of weeping stronger, but I was aware that I walked with a ‘limp.’ It changed me, deepened my relationship with the Holy Spirit, I became more dependent upon Him, acutely aware of wanting to make the right choices, not doing anything in my own strength!
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
He's the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this.” Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG
Jacob, whose name means supplanter, was a man who ended up walking with a limp. For most of his life he manipulated the people around him to achieve his own ends. But, one day, he had an encounter with God.
“So Jacob was left alone, and a Man [came and] wrestled with him until daybreak. When the Man saw that He had not prevailed against Jacob, He touched his hip joint; and Jacob’s hip was dislocated as he wrestled with Him. Then He said, “Let Me go, for day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let You go unless You declare a blessing on me.” So He asked him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” And He said, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked Him, “Please tell me Your name.” But He said, “Why is it that you ask My name?” And He declared a blessing [of the covenant promises] on Jacob there. So Jacob named the place Peniel (the face of God), saying, “For I have seen God face to face, yet my life has not been snatched away.” Genesis 32:22-30 MSG
God wants to do great things in and through us, just as He wanted to develop His own special nation from Jacob's lineage. But just as He had to give Jacob a limp, He often wants us limping before He uses us. Or so He can use us.
When we think we're strong, we're at our weakest. Weakness is our strength.
Paul, when confronted with his lasting infirmities, said,
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 MSG
The world teaches us to admire strength and self-assertion; those attributes are admired whereas weakness and reliance on God is seen as a weakness, even by some in the church!
Throughout the Bible, the great heroes of the faith had weaknesses. Abraham faltered in leaving his homeland and lied about his wife saying she was his sister. Peter denied Jesus three times and went back to fishing. Moses often tried to give God his letter of resignation. Others were sick, without giftings, or overcome by fear. But God looks for people with a limp because it’s what makes us dependent upon Him. If He made Jacob into Israel without the humiliation of the limp, the man may have walked in pride and self-sufficiency. His history suggests as much. So, God gave him a limp.
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"GOD NEVER SAID THAT THE JOURNEY WOULD BE EASY, BUT HE DID SAY THAT THE ARRIVAL WOULD BE WORTHWHILE." MAX LUCADO
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