"Honour Your Father and Mother, “Honour (respect, obey, care for) your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged in the land the Lord your God gives you”.
Exodus 20:12 amp.
This is the first commandment with a promise.
What does it mean to honour? If we know what “to honour” means then there
is a greater chance that we will show it. According to the dictionary honour means
to regard or treat (someone) with respect and admiration; to show or give honour to (someone); to show admiration for (someone or something) in a public way; to give
a public honour to (someone or something); to do what is required by (something,
such as a promise or a contract).
When we honour our parents it doesn’t mean that we have to tolerate abuse from them.
If you have been abandoned or rejected it doesn’t mean that you have to love them,
but it does mean that you need to honour them as your parents.
The Hebrew word for honour is kabed and it has several meanings including to “be heavy”.
This can be interpreted as “giving weight to” or serious consideration regarding a relationship. There’s no suggestion of submitting to or obeying parents who harm us.
Jesus said that he came to set a son against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother in law, and that anyone
who loves their parents more than Him is not worthy of Him. Matt 10:34-37: NLT
Our relationship with God is more important than those with our parents, but if we love God we will want to please and honour Him and part of doing this is honouring our fathers and mothers. What’s important to God should be important to us. Obeying God isn’t always easy, but he wouldn’t tell us to do something if it was beyond our ability to do it. There is also a wonderful promise attached to it - a prolonged life, and that means a blessed life. God only has good things to give us.
My relationship with my parents was very lacking in the communication department; there was little in the way of banter around the dinner table. My parents squabbled constantly, so I would retreat to my bedroom. They were good providers, never abusive towards me. I know now, looking back, that they just couldn’t give what they had never received themselves. They were a product of their own upbringing; my mother was referred to by her own mother as “that red headed little bleeder” and my dad lost the only person who truly loved and understood him, his mother, when he was only 10 years old.
However both of my parents, despite the difficulties with their own parents, were honourable and did their best to care and provide for their own parents.
As a child I had no understanding of why they were the way they were, but as my heart has been healed over the years it has given me a greater insightand understanding of them. A lack of communication led to them not knowing me and caused me to believe that they weren’t interested in me. It became a vicious circle. I would visit friends and see the interaction and fun that they had with each other which increased my own unhappiness at home. I began to resent them. I wasn’t rebellious or argumentative, they would have described me as being “no trouble” but negative thoughts took root in my heart. I found it difficult to buy a Mother or Father’s Day card because I didn’t feel the sentiments. I felt obligated to send cards that had sentiments that I didn’t feel. Unresolved issues opened the door for the enemy to destroy our family. I wasn’t as honouring towards my parents as I should have been. I justified this with putting the blame onto them even though I was an adult.
There came a time when I could no longer blame-shift my actions and behaviour. It was time to take responsibility and get some help and put into practice what the Bible commands us to do. When we do that, I believe that we feel better about ourselves and it frees us from the past.
Through repentance and forgiveness I became free of any guilt or shame and the
relationship that I had with my dad in later years was good.
Make the decision to obey God by honouring your father and mother. Jesus said to pray for our enemies. We need to ask God for the strength and wisdom to be civil to parents who may be, or have been, abusive, alcoholics, drug addicts or the like.
Acknowledge and deal with the pain they caused.
Forgive your parents whether living or dead.
Repent of your lack of honour, bitterness or judgements towards them.
Make the first step towards reconciliation if possible.
Find things to be grateful for.
You honour your father and mother when you are thankful for all they have done for you. For some, the only thing that you can be grateful for is that your parents gave you life. There are parents who sadly reject their children or drop out of their lives. If you had a nice home,
clothes, and some Christmas presents, then appreciate them. You can also
show your appreciation by valuing their input.
The Bible says to view your parents as your “glory,” that is, to be proud of
them. Proverbs 17:6 NLT
You honour your father and mother when you acknowledge the authority God
has given them according to Colossians 3:20 NLT.
“Children always obey your parents for this pleases the Lord.” Even Jesus willingly obeyed his parents. Luke 2:51 NLT
Treat them with respect. This can involve what you say and how you say it.
Needless to say, some parents at times act in ways that make it hard to respect them. Despite that, children can honour their parents by avoiding disrespectful speech and actions.
The Bible teaches in Matthew 15:4 that speaking abusively of your father or mother is a serious offence. Honour them by providing for them when they get old.
They may need practical support. You can honour them by doing your best to make sure that they have what they need. Jesus arranged for the care of his mother shortly before he died.
“Listen with respect to the father who raised you, and when your mother
grows old, don’t neglect her”. Proverbs 23:22-25 TMT
If you are having trouble connecting with a member of the Godhead or all of them, the good news is that you probably need to forgive your father or mother or siblings/friends.
Why not do it now?
I thank you for the father who gave me life. But now I need to forgive him so that I can find my identity as your child. I forgive you dad for any way that you misrepresented the Heavenly Father’s love. I forgive you for the times you disappointed me or broke promises to me. I forgive you for the times you were too busy for me when I needed you most.
I forgive you for the times you failed to comfort me. I let go of you being my security, my comfort and my identity; I release you from those expectations. I choose you, Father God, to be my home, my source of love, security and comfort. I invite you to come and be my Father today.
You may need to repeat this prayer or one of your own for each person that you need to forgive. The Holy Spirit will show you who you need to forgive – this could be your mother or a family member.
Choosing forgiveness as a lifestyle will free you from the constraints and
dissolve the power of “but why should I forgive?”
Your freedom lies in your own mouth!
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