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Writer's pictureChris Finn

But I have no sense of belonging!

Love should come naturally to us as we were made by God to love and be loved. Sadly, we often believe the worst about God and find it difficult to accept Him as loving. Jesus said: " If you have seen me you have seen the Father." That He "Only did what he saw and heard the Father doing." Jesus demonstrated in word and action who the Father is and what His character and heart is like. It can be very hard to believe and receive the love that the father has for us when our perception of God as our Father is largely determined by the relationship we had or didn't have with our earthly ones.


How do you feel about having God as your Father?

A complex question and sometimes difficult to answer. We were given to our parents as a gift from God, to love and nurture us through life. Parents aren't perfect: often being a product of their own experiences, they make mistakes and ultimately carry the wounds of their actions. Our perceptions formed in life through relationships with our dads and other authority male figures can, and often do, cloud and colour how we see God. How we see him determines whether we can receive love, security, acceptance, rest and comfort as well as the protection and healing from him. Let's take a look at some father types and the effect that can have on us.


Performance Orientated

Sets very high standards; you feel that you have to ' measure up'. Often without and/enough affection or praise. Points out faults not strengths, you could gain 5A's and 1B and dad focuses on the B grade.


Effects:

Fear of failure, wear a mask, don't know how to rest, can become driven and often suffers from depression.


Passive:

Can seem none responsive, disinterested. Shows little attention or involvement. None emotional, with an inability to share joy or grief.


Effects:

Can't get in touch with emotions, a lack of intimacy. Hidden anger. A reluctance to resolve problems/issues.


Absent:

Through death. Physically present but emotionally absent. Workaholic, gambling, drink, drugs, prison, hospitalised etc. Divorce/re-married with a new family.


Effects:

Rejection, abandonment and feelings of being an orphan.


Abusive:

Physical, emotional, verbal, sexual and spiritual.


Effects:

You shut down, feelings of guilt and shame, have low self esteem, unworthiness and fear. You look for love in all the wrong places. Seek false comfort.


Authoritarian:

Strong on 'truth', empty of love. Legalistic, obedience over relationship. Harsh and manipulative.


Effects:

Deep anger and resentment. A crushed spirit and a loss of identity.


Good father:

Security, love, may struggle to let go of.


Effects:

less illness, well adjusted, secure and more confident.


Webbs dictionary defines 'Father' as being the one who gives significance to his children. When that isn't met, we have a vacuum in our hearts which often causes us to speak and act like orphans. We would never deliberately identify ourselves as one, but our behaviour would suggest otherwise. Orphans project the image that have of their earthly dads onto their heavenly one!


When we feel insignificant we are unable to honour our fathers and mothers, therefore it's vital to get free from the emotional and physical wounds we have as a result of parents not being able/willing to meet the needs that we have a right to!


My dad was a good provider, I always had clothes to wear and there was always food on the table. He was never verbally or physically abusive. Although he was physically present he was emotionally bankrupt. I could rarely sit on his lap incase I creased his trousers. We had little or no conversation. He was a funny man who make others laugh but he didn't know me! He didn't know what my interests were, my dreams, the books or the music that I liked. To him I was 'no trouble'.He never went to a parents evening at my school or attended the plays and productions that I was in.There were no words of encouragement or consolation from him. As an adult I could understand why he was the way he was due to his own tragic childhood, but I didn't have that understanding as a child. The deficit of my dad's love had an adverse effect on my life.

When I was in my early 30's my mother died and I remember standing and looking at him feeling like a total stranger was in the room with me, someone I didn't know, someone I couldn't grieve with!

My lack of intimacy with my dad and his lack of interest and involvement in my life led me to become very independent and self-sufficient. This served me well until I wanted more of God in my life. How could I rest in the promises of God to meet all of my needs if every time I prayed, trust and faith went out of the window and I set about meeting those needs myself! I certainly wasn't at rest or assured of my needs being met. My fruit was independence and self- sufficiency, and the root of that lay in my relationship with my father. If my natural dad wasn't interested in me then why should my Heavenly Father show interest!


I could read truth but my heart was still producing bad fruit. That's where you start to think that God isn't interested in you, that you're not important to him, that he has favourites and you're not one of them! Before you know it, your enthusiasm and excitement had gone out of the window. I have seen this happen time and time again with the numerous people that I've prayed with, but once the axe was put to the root their fruit changed!


It took several years for my view of my dad to change, or to even have the desire to have God as my Father. I am so thankful for the inner healing teaching that I experienced over the years; it helped me understand me, as to why I was emotionally disconnected! I will always be grateful for the wonderful times spent in the Toronto Church, and attending their inner healing schools and for everything I received from Bethel Sozo training. This resulted in my church becoming a training centre for Sozo and through the years we trained many teams and individuals and helped hundreds gain emotional and physical healing, by dealing with those issues through forgiveness and repentance.


I now have a greater capacity to love and be loved. My relationship with my dad changed - it wasn't perfect, but it was good! It was so good to watch as my children taught him how to express love and to enjoy being loved in return.

I can honestly say that I love having God as my dad!


"Any thought that you have that doesn't inspire hope is under the influence of a lie". Bill Johnson


Feel free to share your thoughts with me!

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