What does the Bible have to say about disappointments? “Unrelenting disappointment leaves your heart sick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.” Proverbs 13: 12 The Message. Disappointments can affect every area of our life and when not dealt with they can be the cause of physical and emotional sickness. Biblical hope means to have an earnest expectation of something good going to happen.
Any areas of our lives not under the influence of hope are under the influence of a lie! Hope deferred is specifically referring to the disappointments that we face in life. Everyone reading this has, in one way or another, faced disappointments. Death, divorce, sickness, abuse, you have prayed and fasted and cried out to God but the word that you thought came from God hasn’t materialized. Maybe the business opportunity has collapsed and it’s when we face these disappointments we are often in a time of extreme vulnerability. It’s like when our immune system isn’t working properly we seem to catch everything going. Hope is the immune system for a believer.
God wants to get something good to us. “The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.” Proverbs 10:22. Sometimes the process can be painful and we can start thinking and doubting the goodness of God. The fact is, that in the process of receiving good He often has to take away the bad, the pain, the grief, anger and disappointment, and so on!
“Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools.” Ps 84:5-6
A pilgrimage is a journey, leading somewhere, not just an aimless walk! Our pilgrimage is towards freedom and holiness and that’s where the Lord is leading us, to be more like Jesus. Jesus has no sin, sickness, disease or emotional turmoil. To have that level of freedom we have to be willing to be led. We all pass through the valley of Baca at some point; when you pass through somewhere it’s temporary, it has an ending because we are only passing through! The word Baca denotes the meaning of a “valley of weeping”. There have been several significant times in my life when I have felt totally overwhelmed by disappointment and thought that the pain that I felt in my heart would never go away. I thought that I was stuck in an emotional vacuum because I had pitched my tent in Baca street; my address became 18 Baca Street! I had forgotten that I was only passing through.
It’s in the passing through that we find the pools and rivers. The blessing comes by embracing the journey out of the valley of weeping. The key thing is for our hearts to be set on the Lord despite the circumstances and to trust Him in the journey, even when we don’t understand. Sometimes it can feel like we have entered a dead end, but as we make the choice of embracing the journey we pass through the valley of Baca.
There are basically three things that cause us to get all knotted up inside:
The negative things that are done to us by others.
The negative things that we do to ourselves and others.
The things not done to us, such as no hugs, no love, or affirmation or protection.
Jesus got angry and He wept! God has emotions and he’s not afraid to express them. Culture, especially in the UK, has taught us to hide and suppress our emotions. Doing this has proved to lead to mental health issues. Thankfully it is finally being acknowledged that we need to talk more about our feelings. The stiff upper lip has never served anyone well!
Jesus came to give us life and that includes healthy emotions. To have healthy emotions we have to acknowledge them. Whether they be joy, sadness, anger or rage. Acknowledge your emotions! Don’t say, “It doesn’t matter”. If it really didn’t matter then you would be full of joy, a genuine joy, at peace with the world.
There was a time in my life when my emotions were numb, I didn’t really know how I felt and it was easier for me to be like that. Then one day the Lord began to challenge me. He brought back a memory of when I was around five years of age. I was upset because I hadn’t been invited to someone’s birthday party. My mother told me, “Don’t let them see that you’re upset.” That belief system set in motion the death of showing my emotions. If they surfaced I would instinctively shut them down, a completely subconscious action. My mother for her part was being protective, but it was the worst possible thing she could have said to me in that situation.
We need to acknowledge all of our emotions! Anger is an emotion, but it can also cause feelings of condemnation and guilt. It’s ok to get angry; it’s not ok to keep the anger or express that anger on others. “Be angry, but sin not, do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil”. Eph 4:26. Anger is often the result of a wound, verbal or physical. To deal with it we need to get to the root of that emotion. When we don’t deal with the anger we are giving the devil a place, a legal right to have some control over our lives.
Forgiveness is the key; if you want to close the door on the devil having an advantage over you then be quick to forgive. The day that I forgave my mother and repented of my judgements towards her, was the day my emotions came to life - and that in itself is a challenge!
Hope deferred makes the heart sick. The moment when disappointment comes we have to act quickly. We must act and realise that this is a situation that must be redeemed or we will fall into the natural course of life and begin to question God. Those negative seeds will get planted on the inside of us, bad seeds that will shape our thoughts to doubt and devalue God’s thoughts towards us and eventually doubt His goodness. You are at risk the moment you begin to take risks!
Christians withdraw from a life of faith and the pursuit of the miraculous because of disappointments. It’s much easier to stop believing or direct someone to another person under the guise that they are more anointed. Disappointments that don’t get touched by God will fester and negatively affect your life.
Be honest with yourself, acknowledge your pain, take ownership of it. If you won’t be honest with yourself you’ll never be honest with God. Don’t make excuses for yourself and especially not for the person causing you pain.
Forgive. Forgive others, forgive yourself and forgive God.
Repent of all the ways that you have turned to ungodly comfort; close the door on those things.
Find your voice. Read Psalm 55. In that Psalm David poured out his heart to the Lord; he was angry, hurt and vengeful. Fear and trembling overwhelmed him. He cried, he ranted, he wanted his enemies dead! There is healing in the Psalms. They contain every emotion in life; every conflict, every tragedy in life is represented in the Psalms. Somewhere in the Psalms is the answer to your own personal healing. Find YOUR voice, and take the time to release the cry in your own heart. This can change the rest of your life. This may take hours, weeks or months, but stay with it. Let go of the pain.
David never stayed in disappointment, he knew how to release them. He remembered God’s goodness, which released him to express praise and worship. Keep your heart open, keep short accounts and have boundaries - learn to say no. If you can’t get free, then be sensible and get some help. Receive His peace and let the Holy Spirit comfort you.
Now the challenge is to say, “I’m so disappointed but I won’t let disappointment and unforgiveness control my life!”
Refuse to be the victim, be the VICTOR!
Thank you for your words . 🙏
Greatly encouraged by your timely word.